I sit here about 33 hours and counting till lift-off from Motives headquarters: Greenwich Street in old Tribeca, musing on such things,overwhelmed with work, and wondering what I get out of all this.

I sit here, wasting time when I should be finishing my work and getting ready to go on this trip. I really should be staying here, getting ready to teach this course I'm giving in the Fall, finishing the proposal for this book I'm pitching, working on my writing or the freelance work that pays my bills. I could use some time with my cat or on the couch reading, or both for that matter. Instead, I am preparing to head out onto the Great American Road to do battle with guitar and pick for dub, justice, and the independent way.

8/30/99 2:39 PM 23 hours to go. The frenzy escalates. I was just out on my bike, running errands, for the last 2 hours. Mr. Webb just called about something, but I was out. I called David to see if he could arrange a last-ditch flight-out-of-Saigon deal for Douglas. Barring that, it's a six-piece band for Iowa. The Jeep is as ready as it can be for this trip. It's now starting consistently (knock wood), the oil is pretty new and the tires are full. I even hosed it down yesterday at my parents' house. The underhood bulb and the fog lamps are out, but that's life. Just one more job for Jerome at Ludlow Garage when I return. I now have to go to the dentist. Ugh.

8/30/99 5:21 PM No cavities. Always good news. Came home, made Jayne a week's worth of chicken, got a call from Umanov's about needing a receipt for the delay unit that broke in San Jose which I brought in for warranty repairs. On the way out I said to Kevin, one of the guitar guys, "On to Iowa." and he responded with "Say hello to the Aryan Nations for me."

I think I need to take a nap.

8/30/99 9:57 PM  Well, I didn't sleep much. I have to go see some friends for a bit, then grab a bite, then somehow finish this proposal tonight.

8/31/99 2:32 AM I stayed out longer than I'd planned to. I ate a huge quesadilla, then a malted at the one remaining dive on Avenue A, then came home. Doug, our sax player, left a message at 9pm to call him, but it's now 2am so I'm not going to do it. He sounded miserable. Rebecca probably called him and made him feel guilty about not coming. Not quite sure what I can do, but I have my own problems here. It's so difficult coordinating a 7 or 8 piece band. My old 3-man punk band was a hassle back in the day. I should be on the road in less than twelve hours and I haven't finished this proposal yet. I may have to find a quiet place in Iowa to do it. Ugh. I still have to pack. Ugh. Oh well. Jayne is not happy; she knows something is up. When I took out my small suitcase before, she ran over and sat in it.

I'd better get some stuff done here. More later. 8/31/99 5:26 AM  True and utter insanity. I can't find my little stereo tape deck. Have looked all over and am in dark despair over it. Actually, I'm simply resigned. Was in frenzied despair a while ago. It must be here cause I have the tape that I recorded in it two days ago at the Baggott. Driving me nuts. Ugh. I'm pretty much packed. Tired. Must turn off the phone.

Did I mention that tomorrow is my 39th birthday?

Phil keeping the log as co-pilot. The blue mist clinging to the ground in the Indiana morning. Sleeping in the back of the Wagoneer on the amps and stuff with the sound of truck gears grinding in my ear for three hours, using the brim of  a straw hat capped tightly on my head as a pillow. The endlessness of the Interstate's sameness and the inhumane lack of rest areas in Ohio and Indiana, only "Service Areas." My cruise control miraculously working as of today, my 39th birthday.

More later.

9/2/99 0:27 AM  Well, we're in another room now, David and I, after having moved from 215 a few hours ago. The AC in that room just wasn't working; the compressor would cycle on for three minutes, then go off. The room was full of flies, as well, from the door having been left open forever while Louie, David, Milo and Alexandra were in it, showering and waiting for their rooms to open up. There was a huge pile of wet towels on the bathroom floor.

Louie, David and I went to The Airliner in Iowa City to scope out our venue tomorrow night.

David and I sat on the beds in the heat before, with the AC not working, and hunting the flies that came into the room earlier. Blah blah blah.

9/2/99 16:14 PM  Sitting on the second floor of the Airliner Bar Iowa City. My back somehow got messed up today. We played a gig in extreme heat and noonday sun on a phys-ed field for the Iowa State Alumni Organization.  Everybody was a bit tense with each other. Possibly the heat. Possibly some other stuff. We play here tonight, then go to the Bolluyts' house tonight, tomorrow night, and the next night, playing a gig in Des Moines on Saturday night. I just want to get home. My back hurts and I have work to do. Long drive ahead. Day at a time.

Later.

9/3/99 7:23 AM  Lying in bed in the Bolluyts' house in Ames, Iowa, having driven for two and a half hours after the gig. Five hours' downtime after the soundcheck at the Airliner. Plenty of time to walk around Iowa City with my increasingly aching back. Hit a Pioneer Market and got some juice, etc. Walked forever, it seemed, through this college town looking for the field house. Did the gig. Three sets to a middling-sized crowd. I sat on a stool to ease the load on my back. After the long pack-up and the painful walk down the double flight of stairs, a mad, delirious drive down the interstate for over two hours, finally to end up at this house in the outskirts of Ames. More later. 

9/3/99 17:12 PM  The Bolluyt house is a real sanctuary. I can keep to myself, which is pretty much what I want. I got up first, at ten o'clock, and ran into the shower before anyone else got up, then I put a load of laundry in the machine. I went up to the kitchen next, where I found Milo and Alex cutting a lime in quarters. I made a pot of coffee, had an untoasted Lenders blueberry bagel with some orange juice, then came back down to sleep some more, all of my immediate needs having been addressed. The next four people awake needed to be shown how the shower turned on

9/4/99 11:12 AM  Waiting for the phone line to be free, as one must also wait for the shower when seven people share one bathroom. There is more than one bathroom in this incredible house built into the side of a hill, but everyone seems most comfortable using the one downstairs. The Motives have taken over the lower level of this house and it's kind of cool to open the door and run into other band members shuffling around.

I finished doing this proposal again and was about to send it before when I went up to make sure the phone wasn't in use. When I got back downstairs, I had crashed and I've spent the last half hour trying to recover and becoming increasingly scared as the machine didn't seem to recognize the hard drive at all. Waking from sleep seems to still screw up these PowerBooks. Finally, I shut it down and started it one last time and it booted up. Now the phone is busy again.

Phil is upstairs in the kitchen, grabbing fresh coffee beans and grinding them up. David is on the phone. Louie's door is still closed and I assume that Milo and Alex are still in bed, to come down later and go through the same breakfast motions as everyone else. Today Douglas and I were the first ones up, then Phil, who came up grousing about the noise we had been making in the kitchen, directly over his sleeping area. Oh well.

Lots of bugs around here tonight.

9/5/99 12:09 PM  This poor old PowerBook has been showing its age the last couple of days. Either that or the hardrive is about to go. Lots of activity and very slow. Kind of like my life in a way

Anyway, we did this gig at Rock Island last night, a nice club in a funky old railroad building in Des Moines. It was good and had lots of good energy and a good crowd.

Everyone came away with a good feeling from it, then headed north on I-35 to Ames in a dangerous, monsoonal rain storm. The lines on the road were barely visible and the hi-beams and windshield wipers were both on high. Still had to take most of it at 40 and even that felt fast. Big trucks went by and left me in their wake and wondering where the fuck the road was.

Got in to the Bolluyts' and everyone gathered in the kitchen with the feeling you get after a good gig and made rowdy, made food, and just relaxed. I then came down to my sanctuary of a room in the basement and discovered that the usual 20-photo download was taking about an hour and a half. I went ahead with it anyway and finally got to bed after six. It's now 11:09, actually, cause I didn't set this machine's clock back when I crossed the line, and Phil just came to my door to let me know he's awake. I'm going to eat, then we'll make two thermoses of coffee and hit the great American road home.

9/9/99 5:55 AM  Phil and I made it back. I sit here now, two days later, and it already seems like eons ago.

We discovered the legend of Frank-I, the real Frank Sinatra who lived for reggae music and was a seminal figure in the early rasta/reggae scene, with such hits is "I did it I way" and "Misty MorningÖ.let's get some bugsÖthey're on my windshieldÖ having funÖ"

Glad to get home to Jayne.