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copyright © LOUIE FLECK 12/25/93 |
NARRATOR:
In Hades one fine afternoon, the devil was deep in thought
He saw with Christmas coming soon a few souls might be
bought
Bitter old Beelzebub hatched himself a plan
To ruin this year's Christmas and destroy the Jolly man
SATAN:
I'll create disaster, I will set a foolproof trap
For once I swear I'll put an end to all this Christmas crap
I'll find a way to infiltrate those idiotic elves
And teach them the joys of lust and greed and thinking of themselves
Santa Claus, Oh, Santa
Claus You'll never live to tell
I'm gonna get you Santa Claus And bring you Christmas
Hell
NARRATOR:
With a charge account at Frederick's,
he bought out the whole damn disgusting store
Like a tramp he set out to corrupt, pervert and tempt and lure
Seductively in finery appeared the devil dressed
But, the elves were cool and sexually were simply not impressed
Disgruntled he rethought his plan, though, not defeated yet
Round the clock he saw how hard these elves, they toil and sweat
So to the pole of north he went in a cunning new disguise
SATAN: Sayin' listen
to me brother elves and let us unionize
Santa Claus, Oh, Santa Claus I know I can not fail
I'm gonna get you Santa Claus This time, I will
prevail
NARRATOR:
He told them how the fat cats meant the workers naught but
ill
Of the struggle of the classes, he told them of Joe Hill
The blood of oppression, is in every toy and bike
United by Thanksgiving, he convinced them all to strike
They asked for shorter hours, they asked for greater wage
Santa was incensed, I mean the man was filled with rage
He told the elves to go away, he told them all to leave
He vowed to break the union, to Hell with Christmas Eve
Santa tried to hire wetback scabs from Mexico
But the brotherhood was strong and they couldn't take the snow
Ho, ho, ho, we say no, was painted on the picket signs
And those scheming reindeer wouldn't dare to cross those union
lines
The devil, now was gleeful, successful with his tricks
The elves proclaimed their loyalty to local six-six-six
As Santa worked alone, calmly spoke up Mrs. Claus
MRS. CLAUS: Perhaps they've got a point, My dear, all of
us have flaws
Santa Claus, Oh Santa Claus The world has been transformed
Join the workers Santa Claus You could be reformed
A repentant Santa wanted now to make the walkout stop
He thought of ways he could improve conditions in the shop
He looked at their old contract and agreed it wasn't fair
He called a general meeting of the elves to clear the air
SANTA: Perhaps I have been lax, my friends, with
safety on the site
And when it comes to schedules, I promise to do right
A health plan and insurance, and a host of benefits
Like sick days and vacations and a party at the Ritz
For ours is important work, this mission that we do
(And) I don't need a guilty conscience as I fly from flue to
flue
I see now the real profit in our job is spreading joy
(What's) important is the happiness we bring to each girl and
boy
NARRATOR: The devil
was aghast as the tables had been turned
He fumed and smoked, on bile he choked, simply put he burned
He cursed that fat red Eskimo, but he couldn't change a thing
And on his way back to Hell, I thought I heard him sing
SATAN: Santa Claus,
Oh, Santa Claus, this time you beat me well
Next year, I'll get you, Santa Claus And bring you down to
Hell.
(spoken)
I'll get mine, you'll get yours, I'm gonna get you Santa Claus
Your soul is mine around the bend, you'll burn in Hell, my fat red friend
A little more fiddle in the mix, I'll nail you to a crucifix
Later for you, Lard man, I'm gonna get a cup of Java...